Loneliness is about the scariest thing there is
by wind-and-snow
Summary: "That's when he understood what it was that had provoked that fear in him. Loneliness. Completely and utterly alone. That's how he felt right now. And it frightened him." implied Shonen-ai


**Hi everyone. That's my first fic for this pairing. I sincerely hope it's not too messed up, so you can still enjoy it.**

**The characters don't belong to me so don't sue me.**

**Warning: implied Shonen-ai**

Loneliness is about the scariest thing there is

It wasn't too cold or too hot. His blankets weren't scratchy and they smelled nice. Like lilies. His pillow was fluffy and the mattress was soft. Just the way he liked it. Everything was silent aside from the occasional rustling of the leaves.

To say that Naruto was tired would be a severe understatement. Just a few hours ago he had returned from a mission with his team. Although the mission wasn't complicated – they had escorted an accredited dealer to Sunagakure and had to deal with a few bandits along the way – the return home had presented an unpleasant surprise.

They had encountered the guys from Sasuke's team. The orange-haired one and the one with the snow-white hair. It seemed as though they were searching for something or someone.

Of course, a battle erupted as soon as the teams' gazes had met. However, it appeared that those two weren't all that interested in fighting because soon after the fight had started, they had escaped.

Although no-one had sustained any grave injuries, Naruto was drained after the journey and fight. When he had reported the course of the mission to Tsunade he could had sworn his eyelids were replaced with lead because they had felt so heavy.

To put it in a nutshell: Naruto needed sleep.

So why was it that he couldn't sleep?

Personally he thought it was the feeling in his chest that didn't allow him to rest. Though he couldn't name this feeling he didn't like it. It was weighing him down and it sort of hurt.

After much tossing and turning he decided that it was pointless to stay in bed. Sleep wouldn't stop evading him. Therefor he wanted to visit one of his favorite spots in Konoha. It was a small lake a little bit outside of the town, which he had found when he was 12 years old.

Suddenly, he felt scared. The room seemed to shrink while the shadows stretched. His breathing became shallow, his heartbeat sped up and his body started shaking. Without even trying to figure out what had caused this abnormal fear inside him, Naruto rushed to the door and tumbled outside.

Nevertheless the fear had dug it's claw deep into his soul and refused to let it go.

So the teenager ran to the lake where he hoped the water could help him ease this irrational – he wasn't in danger, no one threatened him, he was save for God's sake – feeling.

The star-speckled sky and the low hanging moon didn't help lift the darkness which had a tight grip on his heart when compared to those onyx eyes and the sparkle they used to shine with.

The lake, usually as blue as his own eyes, couldn't give him the feeling of absolute serenity and tranquility, when there wasn't a cold, sarcastic bastard to share it with.

The gentle wind couldn't cool down his fevered skin with its caress nor could it ease the emptiness he felt inside, unlike an innocent touch or simple brush of those hands.

The grass he felt beneath his hands as soon as he had sat down didn't feel right, because it held no warmth and no softness, absolutely different from his friend's trained, muscled body or pitch-black hair.

That's when he understood what it was that had provoked that fear in him.

Loneliness. Completely and utterly alone. That's how he felt right now. And it frightened him.

"You needn't be alone. You have many friends who you could turn to if you have a problem.", his consciousness whispered to him.

It was true. The boys would surely try to cheer him up and the girls would like to be his psychologist if he talked to them about his newly developed insomnia. Even his Sensei would hear him out , should he decide to turn to him.

But as soon as this thought crossed his mind it was already banished. Sure, his friends were all great people.

Kiba, for example, was loyal, funny and always up to a few pranks.

Lee was out-going, energetic, simply the nice 'guy-next-door' type.

Yeah, they were good friends with whom he could have much fun. But they just didn't posses the dry humor and maturity, which Naruto longed for.

In contrast to them, Neji, while possessing those traits, would never let himself relax or "lower" himself to compete with the blonde in absurd contests.

Well, Naruto could have carried on with analyzing all his other friends, however, he wasn't searching for their faults, because he knew that no-one was perfect.

He accepted and loved his friends just the way they were. And he knew they felt the same way, even though some of them didn't show it.

Still, he couldn't help feeling alone. Couldn't help the numbing coldness inside him. Couldn't help the devastating loneliness eating him up. Couldn't help the anxiety he felt.

Upon further thinking the young ninja realized that although he held his friends dear they would never be enough for him.

The boy knew exactly what he wanted. He felt as though it would be blasphemy to deny it. That the one he pined away for was Sasuke Uchiha.

Naruto missed him. He missed everything about and every inch of him. He would have done anything just to feel that burning warmth, to take in those chiseled features and pale skin, to breath in that exquisite fragrance and to loose himself in those black orbs.

Instinctively, Naruto knew that Sasuke was the only one capable of making the cruel loneliness disappear. There wasn't anybody else who could release him from his personal hell aside from Sasuke.

His first true friend. His acknowledged rival. His dear brother in arms. His only inspiration. His unattainable goal. His inexhaustible fountain of joy and grief, likewise. His very life.

A bitter smile graced Naruto's face as his eyes closed. It seemed that the words he spoke, spilled from his mouth without him realizing:

"I've become greedy. Without noticing it, I cannot longer be satisfied until you are near me, you bastard. Where are you now? You're a coward, you know? Because shouldn't you take responsibility for making me this way?"

There was no response to his questions. Not that he had expected any. He was alone after all, wasn't he?

_Finis_

**Was it horrible? Acceptable? I'm new to writing fanfiction so please leave a review and criticize or praise me. English isn't my first language and I have no beta reader therefor I'd also like to excuse myself for any mistakes this story might contain.**

**And please tell me if you would like me to continue this story or leave it as an one-shot.**


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